Do you remember that poem from childhood?
Great green gobs of
greasy, grimy gopher guts
marinated monkey meat
itsy bitsy birdie feet
french fried eyeballs
drowned in a pool of blood
and I forgot my spoon.
... but I found a straw! (big slurping sound follows)
My boys have NOTHING over me.
I'm just excited I found my brain gelatin mold in order to use it one more time and really, really get my money's worth.
Today, with only four days left, we FINALLY went to the pumpkin patch. Spent a ridiculous amount of money on pumpkins when at the grocery store just down the street I could get a blue ribbon 500 pound pumpkin on sale for about $3.00. But it's the ambience, you know? What's halloween without going to the patch and yelling every five minutes: "no, you can't go in the bouncy house." "no, you can't go on the ATV." "no, we're not here to ride ponies." "did everyone forget? We're here to get PUMPKINS." Then get your foot run over by the wheel barrow your eldest son is jockeying down the aisleways of pumpkins, praying he doesn't ram into the side of the display meaning you have to pay for 40 pumpkins instead of the four the kids have taken ten hours to pick out and you need to get a loan to afford, but there's a financial crisis, so here, take my youngest child, I have more.
Then home. No wait. We have to eat, so cruise into the grocery store to buy some cooked chickens. (don't want to delay the pumpkin carving frenzy any more than necessary) Get in the car to four whining voices coming from the back of the SUV asking what's for dinner. Answer big old chicken to invoke the chorus of "I call a leg!" To which I answer - "Relax - there's enough for everybody!" To which they respond - " YOU BOUGHT A FOUR LEGGED CHICKEN?"
OMGosh. No, boys, I bought TWO TWO LEGGED CHICKENS. Do the math.