To be perfectly honest, I think I am getting the baby blues. I hate that I can't seem to control my hormones. Although I have a history of spiralling into quasi-depressions, I can usually pull myself back out. But I know how hard it is on Hubby.
Friday found the dishwasher not draining. Well, draining on the floor, not necessarily into the sink. Then, as I was putting too small clothes away in the girl's closet, I found discoloration on the newly painted closet ceiling. Roof leak. The car has yet again been acting up and we just dropped it off to be serviced,.. again. Then I was late getting to pick up 8 year old from practice (because 6 year old had to be picked up from his and 11 year old taken to his). So, 8 year old was no where to be found. Do you know how stupid I felt with the stroller full of 2 year old and a baby strapped to my chest having to ask the coach where my other child was? Thankfully a great friend was there and helped look. We didn't find him, he'd walked home by himself. Which is fine, but leaves me feeling com;letely inadequate. Then, I come home to a message on the phone that my hair dresser has the flu and can't do my hair. Saturdays are the only days I have to do this! Last Saturday I had to cancel because of our guests. I give up! I just give up on life!
The dishwasher was the result of boys not washing the food off plates, to which I subsequently took everyone's allowance away for the week. (Evil dictator, I know).
The roof leak Hubby somehow found and fixed.
The car is back at the shop with my Visa card duct taped to the windshield.
The 8 year old is not emotionally scarred, since he only has to walk a block home and I'm not one for helicopter parenting, and I guess I'll just shave my head. I know these are only little things and should be no big deal. But I'm beginning to feel like Breyer Rabbit and the tar baby. I keep getting into it thicker and thicker and soon I won't be able to move out.
Hubby told me yesterday, "You aren't going to wake up one day and have a cruise ship of a life. It doesn't work that way." I know that, but once in a while it would be great to not feel like I'm working in a salt mine each and every day. Then I read this month's Oprah magazine and an article from some life coach (whatever that is, maybe I should get one) talked about not worrying about making a hole in one in life, just get that ball on the green. And I'm trying not to feel like someone is flicking my ball back into the sand pit each and every time. Why should I be so much more significant than anyone else and think the universe is picking on me? I'm just not that special.
Well, that's the fun of life here. I don't mind that I'm thrilled tomorrow is toddler class and the girls and I all have to dress in orange. Perhaps a little pathetic, but it's the small things in life,...
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