It's all fun and games until an app gets you arrested,..

I was exiting the pizza party - which hubby craftily scheduled to combine all three of the basketball teams he is coaching so we wouldn't have to eat pizza for the next week at individual parties - and my iPhone came alive of its own volition.

Granted, after taking care of two preschoolers who were feeling a bit under the weather all day, and trying not to strangle the 9 year old while he attempted fractions/spelling words/multiplications tables, and then taking the 14 year old to orthodontist and physical therapy appointments all before said party, I was a little tired.

I had just checked my iphone calendar hearing hubby would be scarce on Wednesday evening. After, I threw the phone back in my purse. Leaned over to strap preschoolers into their seats. Threw purse on middle console and hoisted myself into the big SUV.

As I was turning on the car, I heard talking and some weird '70's music - you know, the chuckah chuckah wow wow kind of thing. I looked at 14 year old and asked, "what is that?"

He shrugged.

I realize it's coming from the bowels of my purse, so I dive in to find my phone lit up and having a little party. I look at the screen, which is somehow on Youtube and looks like a newscast. I exit out, only to come to the screen that shows the category of video I was watching.

Turkey Porn.

I kid you not. I don't know what that is, but seeing the p*** word with four of my five children under the age of 18 in the car, I quickly exited out of youtube so fast, it would make your fingers bleed. And then I yelled at my 14 year old, who was laughing so hard at this point, he could barely breathe.

"What were you doing with my phone?!?"

"Nothing! Why would I use your phone when I have one of my own?"

"I don't know!?! Maybe because you didn't want to search for turkey p*** on your own phone!"

I find myself looking out the rear view mirror, knowing the sherrif's department is just across the street and wondering how long it'll take the officers to come and take me away in handcuffs for insidious behavior.

The 9 year old pipes up - "What's turkey corn?"

I'm think quickly - "It's corn that turkeys eat."

To which he says, "Ewwwww,.." (I don't know why this would be gross, but as I'm sweating right now and trying to change the subject, I don't worry about it.)

Then I say: "I know, it is kind of fowl!" Hahahahaha.

I then try and change the subject. "So,.. what kind of icecream does everyone want tonight???"

We listen to the three year old repeating "Turkey corn! Turkey corn! Turkey corn!" for the three hour drive home. The drive is only a mile? Well, let's just say it felt like three hours.